all alone in a crowd?

sometimes I wish that I could walk down a hall and everyone would want to talk to me and be with me. I realize that this is pretty selfish, and I think in reality impossible. However, sometimes I feel as if my whole life is a big joke and I will never be understood for the real me. I hide behind my comfy mask and I'm afraid to be me. I act obnoxious because all I really want is for someone to take a liking to me, notice that I'm there. I get used to the act, but then there are moments of panic, scared that someone will find out who I really am and hate the real me more than the fake one. I feel all alone in a room full of people, people who judge by appearances... people like me, who hurt and bleed and can't seem to find relief because they are clinging on to the things that can't satisfy. I know the way out... why don't I choose it?

MariE